If Granblue Fantasy is Real
by SoniCanvas
Summary: I, SoniCanvas, would share short stories of what would happen IF GRANBLUE FANTASY IS 11% REALISTIC. VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED[WMtSB UPDATE]
1. If Eustace's "Loaded" Efect was Real

Hello, and welcome to the world of shitpost!

I, SoniCanvas, will give you shorts of what is going to happen if Granblue Fantasy is 11% realistic.

Yes, I know it is a fantasy RPG. but things could come up in your mind, eh?

Granblue Fantasy and the characters belongs to Cygames.

**If Granblue Fantasy is Real**

**If Eustace's "Loaded" effect was Realistic**

(**EARLY REMINDER** that the following short drabble happened **BEFORE** Original Earth Eustace had his skills rebalanced)

Gran: Hurry up, Eustace. We are about to attack!

Eustace: I'm reloading...

Gran: but our charge bars are already full and the monsters are weakened!

Eustace: reloading...

Gran: WHAT IS IT THAT YOU NEED TO RELOAD WHEN YOUR GUNS ARE ALREADY FULLY LOADED?!

Eustace: *shoots Gran* ...The bullet in your head.

Djeeta: Eustace, you're dying...

Eustace:... I'm sorry, Captain. I need to heal for relo-

Djeeta: *stabs Eustace to death*


	2. If Touken Ranbu Story was Real

Welcome back!

I, SoniCanvas, is not only focusing on original characters and story events. But also, crossover events which has become a tradition since Idolm@ster girls came home. But worry not, because the story is still part of Cygames' idea.

Granblue Fantasy and the characters belong to Cygames

and I don't own the Touken Ranbu characters. Ask DMM Games who were the real creators.

**If Granblue Fantasy was Real**

**If Touken Ranbu Story was Real**

Izuminokami Kanesada: how does everyone so stiff while Yamanbagiri can move?

Yamanbagiri Kunihiro: ...because I'm nothing but a duplicate.

Gran: no you're not.

Yamanbagiri: I was a duplicate for all this time. I am not a real sword...

Gran: Yamanbagiri...

Yamanbagiri: I am just a—

Gran: SAY "DUPLICATE" ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME. I DOUBLE DARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! *pulls Yamanbagiri's white veil, ready to throw it to the mud*

Izumonikami: I am a blade that combines beauty and practicality.

Djeeta: how does it feel to fight with such a long beautiful hair?

Izuminokami: this fabulous hair won't affect my agility in battle, My Lady. It's practically safe for battle! *dragged by monsters to the depth of forest far far away*

Djeeta:yeah. Dream on, pretty boy.

Tsurumaru: Whoa, now THAT is the big surprise! *looking at the skies from the flying Grandcypher*

Honebami: How could a ship just flew to the sky? It's a big surprise!

Tsurumaru: Hey, that's my line!

Mutsunokami: A baby dragon?! That's the best surprise I have ever seen! He's so adorable and cuddly!

Tsurumaru: oh, not you too!

Mikazuki: ah, this tea is su—

Tsurumaru: STOP SAYING MY CATCHWORD, JIIJI!

Mikazuki: but it's surprisingly better than what I usually drank back in Citadel. *sips his tea*

Tsurumaru: HNNNNNNNG!*commits suicide*


	3. If Dragon Knights were Real

Welcome back!

Sometimes you wondered, what happened to characters who already have a kingdom to protect. Yet, they still joined our crew and having a bundle of side stories of their own and becoming Cygames' boyband of cashcows. Let's find out.

**If Granblue Fantasy was Real**

.

**If Dragon Knights were Real**

Percival: so, you were on your way to Estalucia?

Siegfried: can we join you?

Gran: are you sure Feendrache is okay without you guys?

Lancelot: don't worry. Feendrache is safe by now.

Vane: They don't need us anym—

White Dragon soldier: FAFNIR IS ON A RAMPAGE AGAIN! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Dragon Knights: *stares at Vane*

Vane: uh...if you excuse us...

[Dragon Knights left Grandcypher and returned to Feendrache]

[Grandcypher almost reached Estalucia]

Djeeta: Look, we are almost there. Let's read our letters before we land. *hands over letters to the crew*

Vane: *reads the letter* oh no...

Djeeta: Fafnir is on rampage again?

Lancelot: no, our king has been kidnapped.

Djeeta: but we are about to land on Estalucia! I want you to see my Dad!

Percival: I'm sorry, Captain. Can we please go back to Feendrache? It's an urgent matter.

Djeeta: OH, COME ON!


	4. If LoveLive Event was Real

Welcome back, fellas!

There are Pros and Cons as for what happened since the LoveLive collaboration, starring Aqours. let's find out together.

**If Granblue Fantasy Was Real**

**If "LoveLive" Event was Real**

Gran: alright, it's time to greet the lost—

SMACK!

[An invisible wall blocked Gran and the other boys from Aqours]

Gran: what the?

"You must switch to Djeeta to enter this event"

Gran: Oh, heck no.

Lowain: this ain't make sense, Bruh. We won't tease da' girls

Tomoi: we gotta sue this event, y'all.

Elsam: even that NPC guy tryna get in because his store was right there *pointed at an NPC random guy who keeps hitting the invisible wall only to get to his store on the other side*

Gran: you know what, boys? Screw this. I know the boys who can do better than a bunch of girls from an anime where a male never exist in their lives. Let's get out of here and skip the event.

Lowain and the Bros: WEEEEEEEEY!

Gran: Screw it, I'll keep pushing in! *pushes the invisible wall to meet Aqours*

Mari: Hello, dearie!

Yoshiko: You're finally here, wretched demon. You are punished for being late.

Hanamaru: Can you please chill? We have just met, zura.

Gran: sooooo...are you guys lost or what?

Chika: CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GET US HOME?

Gran: well, I would love to, but...

Angry LoveLive Stans: *stares at Gran*

Gran: I think I just gonna leave now. Bye! *sprints away from Aqours*

Kanan: HEY!

Ruby: so... Now what?

Chika: ... Run.


	5. If Valentine's Day Event was Real

Welcome back for you guys!

here is Special Update just for you as my celebration.

Happy Valentine's Day to lovers out there.

**If Granblue Fantasy is Real**

.

**If Valentine's Day Event was Real**

Gran: So, this is Valentine's Day...

Vyrn: so?

Gran: Have you even look at my eyes? *points at his black eyes*

Vyrn: uh...you haven't sleep all night. We do accept tasks at midnight. It's your fault.

Gran: no, Vyrn. And of course, it's not my fault. It's the girls!*pointed at Grandcypher that is full of boxes piling up due to all the girls who races to send chocolates to him*

Vyrn: Whoa, that's a huge pile of chocolate. We can send Lyria and Amira to eat them all.

Gran: This is Valentine's Day, Vyrn. GIRLS DON'T EAT THEIR CHOCOLATES! THEY MADE THEM!

[Since then, "Ignore Your Gender" setting applies every Valentine's Day and White Day to make sure every box of chocolates can be shared to the boys. This also makes Gran rushes room by room to share his chocolate until the end of Valentine's Day or White Day]


	6. Granblue Fantasy Alternate Origin

Welcome back, fellas!

So, I made this as my thoughts after the "Miscolored Memories" story. It won't involve so much blood, but this could be an expansion to what happens if Gran made a bad choice in his life.

**If Granblue Fantasy was Real**

.

**Granblue Fantasy Alternate Origin**

Lyria: HEEEELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!

[Lyria passes by Gran, running away barefooted]

Erste: Young man, have you seen a girl with blue hair around here?

Gran: Sure. She's running that way. *points at the way Lyria was running*

Lyria: WHY ARE YOU SUCH A JERK?!

Erste Soldier: HAND OVER THAT GIRL OR I'LL KILL YOU!

Gran: over my dead body!

Erste Soldier: *releasing big monsters*

Gran: Here, take her. I don't wanna have any more problems with me

(Bonus)

Katalina: I can't believe now we are free from those soldiers.

Rackam: I have a bad feeling about this...

Erste soldiers on a nearby airship: THIS IS SBI. LAND YOUR AIRSHIP OR WE WILL SURROUND YOU!

Gran: SBI? You're talking to us?

Erste soldier: NO, I WAS TALKING TO DETECTIVE BARAWA-OF COURSE IT'S YOU! LAND YOUR AIRSHIP NOW!

Barawa: Relax, guys. I got this.

[The crew landed their airship on a nearby island. Rackam, Lyria, Katalina and Gran came to SBI office for questioning accompanied by Barawa]

Rackam: I knew fixing the ship was a bad idea

Katalina: don't you see I was escaping a girl from a prison? Do you have any idea what this girl have been suffering?

Gran: guys, Barawa said he can handle this. Just wait and see if he can get us out.

SBI Agent: so, are you the Captain? *points at Rackam*

Rackam: Um...no, Officer. I'm the helmsman.

Barawa: it's the boy, Sir. The Captain is that kid over there.

SBI Agent: This boy? You're joking? *points at Gran*

Barawa: No, I'm not.

SBI: Oh, my. My friends should find out about this. HEY GUYS, THIS 15-YEAR-OLD KID IS THE CAPTAIN OF THE SHIP!

[All officers and agents in SBI were laughing]

Lyria: ...what is wrong with a kid being Captain of the crew?

SBI Agent: Look, little girl. This kid is unsupervised, his helmsman has an expired driving license, you are a prisoner of Erste Empire which makes you and the woman next to you become fugitives and drag this kid to travel with you three, and Barawa thought all of this is not a joke.

Barawa: but, Sir...

SBI Agent: no buts, Barawa. You are not part of this department so you have no rights to object me. We are going to impound your ship, and those two kids are staying here until their parents arrived.

Lyria: ... I have a parent?

Gran: but I don't even know where my dad is. How do you expect him to come get me?

SBI Agent: Sorry. That's the regulation, kid. Besides, don't you worry that your mom was looking for you? *handcuffed Gran as he escorted him to jail*

Gran: ... MY MOM IS DEEEEEAD! *slaps the cops and runs away*


	7. If What Makes the Sky Blue 3 was Real

Welcome back, fellas!

Here's another short for those who are stuck in "READY" screen every time they wanna spank Belial. Enjoy.

**If Granblue Fantasy was Real**

**If What Makes The Sky Blue: 00 was real**

[Gran, Sandalphon, and the rest of the crew were flying to Pandemonium with their Grandcypher]

Halluel: Hey, guys! The tea is ready!

Malluel: how about we go on a break on our way there?

Sandalphon, standing on the edge of the ship experiencing nausea: You two go ahead. I'm good right here...

Vyrn: oh come on, Flip-flops. We're gonna miss the coffee you made for us.

Sandalphon: I'm just not in the mood-HOAAAAAAK! *throws up on the edge of the ship, some archangel passed out from his barf*

Vyrn: Gran, is this just me or archangels we met are just getting weirder?

Gran: what do you mean? You guys already said that they can behave the way humans do. It's normal, right?

Vyrn: no, I mean Sandalphon has six wings and spend most of his time flying. But he got airsick?

Gran: huh... I didn't think of that...

Charlotta: Siero, what's the status?

Siero: the Skyskimmer is ready to go. Evacuate as much as you can!

Albert: Hold up a second...

Lancelot: we have no time for hesitation!

Naoise: guys, the watchers are swarming!

Albert: Siero, isn't this supposed to be the right time to send the big guns?

Siero: I did. Ilsa and the Society are right over there! *points at Ilsa*

Albert: I mean THE ETERNALS!

Siero: I have sent the letter, okay? They're not coming, we're on our own!

Albert: ...and to where did you send those letters to?

Lancelot: you have no idea how letters works, do you?

[Meanwhile...]

Fif: Grandpa, the sky looks so orange. *points at the sky*

Eahta: Probably it's about night time. *chilling with his hair holding sunglasses and a glass of water, sun tanning*

Fif: *runs to Niyon* Niyon, the skies are so orange and there are explosions!

Niyon: stop bothering me. I'm writing a little lullaby song. Go play with Tweyen.

Fif: *pouts, but runs to Tweyen* Tweyen, did you see what happened to the sky? You have better eyes than all of us!

Tweyen: yes, I do. But-AAAAAH, MY EYES! I'M GOING BLIND!

[Seofon places a mirror in a place where the sunlight reflected to Tweyen's eyes]

Seox: ...such an ignorant.

Seofon: who's the cool guy with sword no-ah, not again!

[Seofon saw a messenger airship on the way to the Eternals HQ, but exploded on their way]

[Belial absorbed Sariel's Power Core, turning into his ultimate form which has been merged by the power of Avatar]

Belial: haaaaah... This feels so good. Hey, Sandy, do you mind if I give you...a test drive? *grins and licks his lips in seductive way*

Sandalphon: The only way for you doing that is when I zip those lips and cut your head off.

Gran: Hey, BONER!

Belial: Singularity, would you mind if you let me get a room between Sandy and I? Well, unless you like a threesome or gangbang.

Gran: No, thank you. But I have seen that form of yours before.

Belial: Really? Someone like me? Did Faa-san made another precious fallen angel just like me and you killed them? I wanna see if the idea of selfcest might be much better.

Gran: uh...not exactly. It's just...your form looks familiar.

[A portal suddenly appeared above Belial, and another demon that looks like him shoots Belial with the laserbeam on his head and throws Belial to the portal with him. It was Devil Jin, from Tekken 5]

Sandalphon: ...okay, who was that guy And WHERE DID HE COME FROM?

.

(Bonus)

Lucio, watching from the Divine Tower: ah...my job here is done.

Lucilius: you didn't do anything

Lucio: my clone did. *flies away*

(Bonus 2)

Gran: Vyrn was right. Are you getting airsick?

Sandalphon: that was none of your business!

Gran: But you fly all the time and you seemed pretty fine with that.

Sandalphon: there's a difference between flying with your own wings and flying with a rocking airship—BLERGH! *barfs again*

Gran: but you're still looking bad. Come on, let's get inside.

Malluel: oh, oh, maybe you can make a coffee blend that treats nausea!

Sandalphon: there's no coffee blend in any realm that treats nausea. Only causing it!

[Meanwhile, Belial and Beelzebub are hanging out together in a patio café in Sky Realm]

Waitress: here are your orders, gentlemen.

Belial: thank you, dear lady.

Waitress: well, it seems you are having a lot of fun, Belial.

Belial: I could offer you more if you call me "Baby". *grins*

[something discolored and pixelated fell to Belial's shoulders]

Waitress: call me if you need new sets of clothes. *leaves*

Beelzebub: what in the name of Avatar is that? *points at the pixelated liquid*

Belial: don't tell me. I'm gonna impregnate that pigeon myself for dropling their bombs on me.

Beelzebub: actually, it looks more like...*sniffs* someone's barf.

Belial: *looks up to the sky* ...It's round two, Sandy. It's round...two...


End file.
